My husband Enoch and I ran a marathon this year. This was a huge stretch for me. I have never considered myself a runner. Registering for this marathon was intimidating and I didn’t even tell anyone for a while because if I’m being honest, I wasn’t sure I could do it. 

I chose to do it because my husband asked me to and I wanted to take on the challenge together. This wasn’t primarily a fitness investment for me, but a marriage investment. And while training together was really unifying for us, I also learned some unexpected things. Here’s what it taught me about marriage:

1. Over the course of a lifetime together, you’re going to have to slow down for each other in different ways. During our training, Enoch chose to keep pace with me, and that meant slowing down from what he was really capable of. It was important to him to stay together. I have to “slow down” for him in other ways. It’s something we can do to honor each other, for the sake of being together, encouraging each other to go the distance, and having grace for each other’s timing. You can do this for each other in the process of grief, in emotional growth, in learning a new skill, spiritual growth, or any other area. 

2. There are stretches of the journey that just ache and times when you will want a quit. At about mile 15 of our race, we could start to feel the impact of thousands of steps on our muscles and joints. After mile 22, my body was in a lot of pain. I felt like I could barely move or keep going. I did my research and consulted professionals to make sure I was running in the right shoes, running with the right form, eating the right things to fuel my body for what I was asking it to do, and doing the right things to condition my body safely and properly for this task. There are definitely ways that you can do this wrong! But the reality is, no matter how you train, and even if you do all the right things, 26.2 miles is no joke. You’re doing something really significant. You’re stretching your body to its limits. Just because my body hurt didn’t mean something was wrong. It meant I was going the distance. A really hard distance. When you can expect that, you can prepare for it. Marriage can feel much the same way. You may start to feel the impact of all that it requires of you, and you might be doing everything “right.” Recognize the pain as part of the process. It is not easy to go the distance. Just take the next step forward and the next one after that.

3. If you’re committed to it, you’ll feel like a minority sometimes. Other people are going to drop out when it gets hard. Other people may not feel that it’s worth the sacrifices it takes to succeed. But there are communities of other committed people. Find them and run together. Though I grew to love a lot of things about running, there is a lot of this process that is not “fun.” Marriage won’t always be either. Don’t let that deceive you into thinking it’s not worthy.

   You’ll also find that a lot of people aren’t willing to even sign up for a marathon. People will call you crazy. People will say “I could never do that.” Those who do know what it costs them, and it’s a very real cost. But they also know what they’ve gained from the process. In marriage, you’ll find lots of people not willing to invest. I told Enoch at one point that I feel the same way about our marriage as I did about the marathon. It’s work. It’s a lot of work. It’s easier to just…not. It’s easier to sit back and just let it be what it is and to say “good enough.” But I believe in what we could be and I value the gain more than what it will cost me. 

4. It makes a difference to have someone cheering you on. We ran our marathon several hours from home, and didn’t think we would have any spectators there, though we had supporters tracking from home. Throughout the marathon, people lined the streets with signs, calling out the runners they were there to support. Around mile 16, I heard my name. Two wonderful friends had come to cheer us on. It was an energy and morale boost at a time when we needed it. As simple as it was, it’s incredible how encouraging it is to have someone show up for you and cheer you on by name. We have enough negative messages about marriage and difficulties that threaten it. Surround yourself with people who will encourage you and cheer you on, and do the same for others.

5. When you cross the finish, you’ll feel to your core that every painful step was worth it and be so glad you persevered for something so worthy. I was so glad I didn’t give up when it got hard. Marriage will stretch you. Seek support when the pain is too much, run together, and run with the finish in mind.

We’re cheering you on as you go the distance together.